Sistas On Fire

The Heat Is On!

While in the presence of others, I was recently asked to define love. We all chimed in stating our interpretation of that meaning. This discussion proved to be very interesting, at the least. Within the group the replies were: it's a word, a state of mind, feelings shared between people who care for one another, and a concept created by woman.


Clearly there was only one romantic within the group.


Clearly there was at least one man. LOL!


I'm of the mindset that love is a state of mind. For some innate reason we desire being, feeling, and experiencing love on a deeper, higher level than what we have encountered. (Deep sigh...whew! It has to get better than this.) Will we ever be satisfied with what we've found? After all, it's often stated that hindsight is 20/20. With that in mind I guess it’s more appropriate to ask: Will we learn to accept love which is offered/given in a manner that is different from what we've imagined the experience to be?


I'm in no way implying that we should settle for an experience less than love. However, I do feel that individually we create an image that is often mirage-like. Our expectations become so far fetched that we begin to believe that we can actually design our reality on the basis of fantasy. Each and every person is totally in control of their choices, actions, feelings, emotions, etc... Yet when we feel love we tend to claim that love has taken control of us rendering us unconscious of our will to choose.


I know, I know it’s a great feeling when you’ve experienced it. It’s sort of orgasmic-like…maybe that’s where the term making love came from. Anyways I tend to believe that it’s more empowering to feel that we are in control of defining what, love means to us individually. It also bears an individual responsibility to how and who we accept love from and share it with. A responsibility that many people don’t identify with, but that’s another topic. Ultimately if we recognize love as a state of mind we would be able to determine if we should allow ourselves to become lost within it or to simply re-define (tweak, tweak) and move on.


Maybe I’m wrong, jaded, or simply intuitive. Regardless, I tend to believe that we are in control of ourselves. I’ll even admit that I’m a bit of a control freak. (There, I said it.) Whatever term it would be I simply state that I’m realistic and aware of my will to choose.


Anyways this discussion turned into anew and continued for an hour and a half with topics of: the ability to measure love, recognition of love, are there different kinds or types of ways to love, and determining when others loved you. It’s very interesting to hear the perspectives of others and at the end of the night we simply had to go. However we could have easily continued speaking about that subject.


Please, share your views, criticisms, and or experiences.They're all welcomed.

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I am really feeling ya on this one! Actually, I was thinking about it the other day. Here's what I was recognizing: The feeling of love and/or passion can be very deceptive and damaging! Why? Well, if you don't know what love is, you can often mistake something else for the feeling of love!

I've read a lot of books written by Harville Hendrix on the subject, and I highly recommend them. I discovered his work when he was a guest on Oprah. His books changed my life, and I do feel his information is the reason I am in a loving relationship at last!

Essentially, he says we tend to fall in love with the Imago. Yet, the Imago isn't what's always the best for us. We have to decide to roll with the Imago (he shows you how) or bag the Imago. Well, I decided to bag it!!! LOL. Just too damned lazy. Plus, I feel I've more than paid my dues with the Imago. I realized I was ready for something new and does it ever feel good.

In conclusion, the cliche that says you can't love or be loved until you love yourself is really true. The tough part then is figuring out how to love yourself...what that really means.
I'll have to check out his books.

I can relate to what you're saying. I always tell people they have to get out of their own way in an effort to accept love.

I actually contemplated topics of "defining love" and "loving yourself". I must say it's a hard one to attempt to explain as so many people just say, "duh, of course I love myself". They mistreat themselves, admit to allowing people to mistreat them, accept the opinions of others as their truth, and continue to profess how much they love themselves.

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